Wednesday, June 8, 2016

Gimme Dat Rose: The Bachelorette Recap // Season 12, Episode 4

We start the episode and the Chad saga continues... We again see Chris Harrison drawing the line when it comes to violence in the house and we are left to wait and see what Chad's next move will be. He enters the house and like a kid who was told to apologize, he explains what Chris "wants him to say". He actually remains really calm. Like a little whiny baby Evan interjects "Chad, you owe me a new shirt and an apology". Chad offers to give him $20 which, tbh I think is a stretch for that Mossimo v-neck.

Pool (Cocktail) Party 

Somehow Chad manages to be the one to greet JoJo at the door which I assumed would cause a major stir but somehow it didn't. There are mic necklaces EVERYWHERE and I'm LOVING it. James F., in an attempt to be funny comes out in a suit and cannonballs into the pool. Is it actually funny? That's debatable. The guys do an adorable synchronized swimming dive wave and in true Evan fashion, he ends up with a nosebleed. ABC of course made it look, in the previews like the nosebleed was from a Chad altercation but no. Synchronized swimming. Jordan and JoJo have some alone time and the two of them seem like they are already a real couple, constantly caressing and JoJo always finds a way to like intertwine herself with him. During Chad's one on one time Evan walks over to steal JoJo away, this kid really is clueless. Chad confronts Derek about their beef. Apparently Derek doesn't feel safe around Chad but when you look at them side by side, they are basically the same size. I'm confused. Chad disses on Derek for watching the Bachelor and somehow they seem to somewhat resolve their issues.

Rose Ceremony

JoJo shows up in a midriff showing gown and I'm not even mad about it. WHY IS SHE SO PERFECT?! Every guy in their side interview are, of course, saying that Chad better not get a rose. He of course gets the final rose and in that moment Alex makes it his mission to not see Chad get another. Sadly Christian, Nick and the beloved Ali are sent home. JoJo excitedly tells the guys to pack their bags because they are leaving the mansion for good but she keeps the location a secret. Where can it be? Europe? The British Virgin Islands?

Namacolin, Pennsylvania 

I'm sorry... WHAT?! The destination is PENNSYLVANIA?! No... just... no. The guys are staying at the Namacolin Woodland Resort. Wanna know how I know? Because they spent a good five minutes of the show like a commercial for the damn place. 

One on One

Luke snags the one on one this week. Their date starts with them mushing through what appears to be a city party. Is that normal? I also notice that it appears JoJo got some leather jackets in her welcome bag as well, she wears two different ones on this date alone. In true Bachelor fashion, there is a hot tub in the middle of nowhere for our couple to disrobe and get into. JoJo was cute as ever when she went to get in and the hot tub was way too hot. Like any lady would, she said "Oh fu*k that's hot! That's SO hot!" and I just love her more. The more I look at Luke, the more he kind of looks like a villain, but the more he talks, the more he seems like a total softy. I can't help but notice though, is it me or do his top teeth seem fake? I dunno... Luke tells JoJo about his football career at Westpoint, his tour in Afghanistan and his friend who was like a "brother to him" being killed in action. He is pulling out all the stops. He of course is awarded with a rose and a private Dan and Shay concert where they awkwardly dance on the stage while a room full of Bachelor fans loose their minds. 

Group Date 

It is made clear there will be a two-on-one date this week which is always a crowd pleaser. Alex says in an interview "I don't want to be on the two on one. The only thing that would make a two on one worse would be a two on one with Chad." So, it's obvious that is what will happen. When the group date card arrives, of course Alex and Chad's names aren't on it. The group date guys are welcomed by Ben Roethlisberger, Brett Keisel and Hines Ward. I'll be honest, I have no idea who these guys are because... football. It's adorable that they all say their wives are fans of the show. JoJo excitedly says "It's not every day my guys get to hang out with pro football legends". Well, Jordan actually might. The date ends up being a football game in which the winning team gets estra time with JoJo. Evan of course struggles during this date because... football. He tries to play off the fact that he gets yet ANOTHER bloody nose on the date. Every time it shows up I just can't help but think he looks like a high school girl wearing her football boyfriends uniform for homecoming. In another trick by ABC, we see James Taylor get elbowed in the face by James S. and there is blood everywhere. The previews of course made it look like there had been a fight. No. Just elbow, face interaction. Every time it shows Evan. The blue team wins the white team heads back to the Nemacolin Woodland Resort. Robby/Stiffler gets the most amount of screen time we have seen yet which includes JoJo essentially promising him a one-on-one date and a pool table makeout sesh. Teachers pet Jordan gets the group date rose. 

Two on One

"Two guys, one rose. One stays. One goes". A rhyme I will likely tell my future children one day. ABC mixed it up this time though with a new little riddle for us. Before the date the tension is palpable between Alex (and basically all the guys in the house actually) and Chad. Chad makes a BOLD move and calls out Jordan "This ends. And when this ends, you think I can't find you? You think I won't go out of my way to go to your house?" Whoa bro... whoa. As Alex is getting ready he literally is dressing like he's going to war with cargo pants, some patriotic socks and literally milliatry boots. I just want to start chanting "U-S-A! U-S-A!". On the date Alex of course spends his one on one time talking about Chad and JoJo of course immediately brings it up to Chad. He is pretty honest and doesn't deny the things Alex told her. Chad sneaks a threat in to Alex when he returns and JoJo finally decides enough is enough and sends Chad home. Similar to me at my engagement Chad says "Am I getting pranked right now?". Back at the house, his luggage is taken and the guys proceed to party like its 1999. For real though, where did they even get those party poppers? The best Chad line of all was him saying to the camera "Alex lied, he told her that I threaten people. Now I gotta go find Alex". Literally in the same breath as saying he doesn't threaten people... he THREATENS people. Oh Chad. He then starts to wonder through the dark forest whistling like some creepy campfire ghost story and he shows up back at the Nemacolin Woodland Resort. The guys all loose their shit of course and the "to be continued..." appears and we all loose our shit. To add insult to injury... the next episode isn't for TWO WEEKS.... WHAT?! And if that's not bad enough... I had just made some Bachelorette stickers for my planner and had already put on on next Monday! #whitegirlproblems

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Gimme Dat Rose: The Bachelorette Recap // Season 12, Episode 3

The time has come for another installment of: Gimme Dat Rose: The Bachelorette Recap
We start episode 3 similarly to the scene in "The Hangover" where they all wake up and have no idea what happened.
We see toilet paper hanging from the trees out front of Bachelor Mansion. Empty glasses everywhere. Everyone looking beat down. What exactly happened at that last rose ceremony? I'm  half expecting Tyson to show up and sing "In the Air Tonight". 
Chad and Daniel are bro-ing out per usual. But wait, what is this... Chris Harrison? What are you doing at the mansion during normal business hours? Oh, to hand deliver a date card of course. I can't tell if CH has lost weight or if I'm just so used to seeing him in a suit that he looks smaller in regular clothes. Chase receives the date card. Meanwhile Derek is wearing his umteenth baseball tee of the season and Chad is of course losing it that the date card wasn't for him.

One on One Date

Chase and JoJo head to a yoga studio because nothing says romantic first date like workout clothes and sweat. As the instructor is explaining what they will be doing the camera shots of her nether region are maybe the most awkward thing I've ever seen on this show, and that's saying a LOT. The more the instructor talks the more I realize she is just Miss Lippy from "Billy Madison". 

Back at the house is yet another Chad workout montage. I'm pretty sure they could cut all the scenes together and have enough footage for a full on work out video. 

Chase and Jojo's date gets even more awkward when she is told to mount him. JoJo lies through her teeth and says "I can honestly say this is the first time I've mounted a guy on a first date". Please JoJo, please. Chase gets a kiss and explains how he and JoJo now have a "solid foundation to grow on" and I'm not sure if he's talking about the date or HIS nether region. 

Group Date

The group date card comes and this group date is even bigger than last weeks, with a whopping twelve guys its more of a field trip than a date. Chad wants to opt out because, well, he doesn't want to be on a date with that many other dudes and while we see where he's coming from, he has already been labeled the villain soooooo... 

The field trip goes to a small community theater of some sort where a woman takes the stage and proceeds to have an orgasm? What is happening? My parents would NOT have signed the permission slip for this field trip. Apparently it's a show about "Sex Talks" where people share their real life experiences. Because nothing says "date" like discussing your sexual history ammiright??? The guys tell their tales and most of them were better/funnier/more entertaining than I'd expected. Evan decides to lead the crusade against the almighty Chad because he's had enough. 
He does so by telling a "cautionary tale" about steroids in which he essentially tells the group that Chad is on them and let me tell ya... Chad no likey. They cross paths after and Chad grabs Evan by the shirt and it rips. It has begun. For his performance, Chad requests a volunteer from the audience and tells JoJo to come down (not exactly how a volunteer works Chad but... whatevs). He decided to show not tell and tries to steal a kiss from Jojo on stage. She of course gives him the cheek because her dozen other boyfriends are watching the whole thing. 

Chad is seeing red and is on a warpath towards Evan. What did Evan expect? You call out the biggest most alpha male guy in the house and expect him not to want to make it his life's mission to terrorize you? Come on Ev. All the hostility has made Daniel turn on Chad... WHO WILL HE WORK OUT WITH NOW?? After punching a door Chad is bleeding and says if he cant lift now he's going to kill someone. Shocking. 

Group Date Cocktail Party

Jordan discusses his previous relationship and JoJo is eating. it. up. Girl is in luuuuuuurve. Evan decides to add insult to injury and boldly asks Chad "Why are you here?". To which every other guy (and me at home) holds their breath and waits to see what happens. Chad stays surprisingly composed and is like...
(Also... side note...I'm convinced that in their Bachelor Mansion "welcome bag" all the guys got the same leather jacket.) Chad refers to the rest of the guys as a "parade of losers" as he's lurking around every corner watching JoJo's one on one time with everyone. Chad finally gets his turn with JoJo while he thinks "You're welcome... here I am". In yet ANOTHER ballsy move by Even, he decided to steal JoJo away form Chad. He proceeds to tattle on Chad to JoJo and gives her the old "him or me" ultimatum. JoJo gives Evan the group date rose after no doubt the producers tell her "lets just see how this plays out". Evan also gets one of the most awkward kisses in Bachelor history. It looked like a brother and sister and I literally cringed. Like the rest of us, Chad is shocked that Evan got the rose, and in the words of Eminem "The only difference is I got the balls to say it in front of ya'll and I don't gotta be false or sugarcoated at all ". He of course speaks up about it and again the rest of the group holds their breath to watch how it plays out. JoJo doesn't like how honest, err, disrespectful Chad is being and the date ends. Alex explains that Chad "wrote a beautiful disaster story" that he is going to DVR and watch over and over again. Chad tells the camera that "No girl on the planet ever choses Evan, for ANYTHING". And while, he does have a point, he's not helping his case. 

I couldn't help but notice the commercial placement while watching. At the end of every commercial break is this new Subway super meaty sub which of course makes us all think about Chad and his deli meat shoveling. 

Things at the house have taken a turn and apparently Derek "doesn't feel safe sleeping in Chad's room" so there is an actual security guard standing guard over a sleeping Chad. WHAT?? 

One on One Date

James Taylor gets the second one on one date of the episode and he's just as cute as he can be. They end up learning to swing dance and are dressed for the occasion. Their instructor must be pushing 100 and I don't know who is sweeter her or James Taylor, I just hope I look like her when I'm her age. As I'm watching I realize James Taylor is the kind of guy you should marry, but you never even go on a second date with. Sad but true. 

Back at the house Daniel and Chad are having a heart to heart while Chad is, no joke, eating a RAW YAM. Daniel is explaining to Chad how bad he looks to everyone else and explains "pretend you're Hitler" to which Chad responds "No. Let's not pretend I'm Hitler". "Ok let's pretend you're Trump... just take it down a notch to like to Mussolini or Bush". 

On their date, James Taylor explains to JoJo how he was teased growing up which scores him a rose and a kiss. 

The Next Day

It becomes clear by the time left in the episode that we won't be getting a rose ceremony in this episode. Chris Harrison shows up to tell the guys that after talking with JoJo there won't be a cocktail party, only a rose ceremony. Of course the guys that didn't get dates this week are freaking out. Then Chris goes on to say "but she wants to spend the day with you so instead of a cocktail party, we are having a pool party". Oh CH....You little trickster you. As soon as I hear the words "pool party" I get excited because I know that means the return of my favorite thing... the mic necklace!
Chris Harrison tries to sneak out because, quite frankly, you know he' thinking...
But, he get's stopped by Evan who proceeds to tattle on Chad. "Excuse me mister... Chad ripped my shirt". I'm embarrassed for Evan and to be honest, anyone who knows him. CH goes to get Chads side of the story which of course is totally different. Chris Harrison tells Chad the best thing to do is "go settle it". To the average person that means go in and squash the beef. To the Chadchelorette, however... THIS. MEANS. WAR. He storms into the house after saying "I'm going to cut everyones legs off, and their arms. Then there will be torsos everywhere that I will throw into the pool". 
We of course are left there with a to be continued, asking ourselves, is the pool party still on? Will torsos be thrown? Will Chad eat deli meat in the pool? Do people actually eat yams raw? Luckily we don't have to wait a week to find out. It should all come to a head tonight in part two of the Chadchelorette two-night-event!

Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Gimme Dat Rose: The Bachelorette Recap // Season 12, Episode 2

Well, from the looks of things... from here on out we should probably just refer to the show as "The Chadchelorette". It took all of one episode to take a hard right onto the exit to Chad Town. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. Meat shoveling and phrases like "I always say stay away from nice guys" are the whole reason I watch the show.

Let's begin...
We start yet again with JoJo discussing her Ben heartbreak and calling this experience of becoming the Bachelorette a "dream come true". Call me crazy but my dream doesn't involve being dumped on national television but... to each their own.

Then we head back to the Bachelor mansion where they guys are huddled for a toast with their morning mimosas #brunchsohard. It quickly takes a turn when Chad so eloquently toasts "Beautiful girl, beautiful life, Fu*k you guys, Imma make her my wife".

Group Date

The date card arrives and I lose count of how many guys are on it. It ended up being a nice intimate group of ten. Immediately after receiving the date card it's like bombs over Baghdad and we start hearing explosions, the guys run out front to see a limo on fire. Gee ABC... that's where we're at? Really? Burning Limos? Of course JoJo rolls up in a firetruck to put it out (in slow motion no less) and all I can think is... aren't we still in a drought in California? WAY too many guys use obvious lines including "hot" and "on fire" and the fire date continues...
Meanwhile back at the house we see Chad organizing his suitcase of protein powder. Yes, an ENTIRE SUITCASE of protein powder. Just when you catch your breath from laughing about how meathead-y that is... he CHAINS the suitcase to his waist and starts doing PULL UPS with it dangling between his legs. You can't make this shit up. 

Back to the Group Date

All the group date guys are now at Rio Hondo Fire Academy with JoJo to compete for her, I mean find "true love". Of the ten guys, one of them (Grant) is an ACTUAL firefighter sooooo, he's gunna win this right? Long story short, he does, snags a kiss, Wells almost dies because he obviously doesn't fight fires in his down time and somewhere in there Daniel says "The last time I pulled a hose like this was back home, at my apartment." No Daniel, just... no. Luke was the runner up in the "save the fair maiden from the burning building" exercise and his "smoldering" look turns to borderline murder-y but... then he gets a kiss and it's all good. Wells gets the group date rose because... well, pity  (and that's when I realize he looks exactly like the kid from "Fear the Walking Dead" (with a haircut).

One on One

Date card arrives for the one on one date and it's for Derek! He's on my team so I'm obviously elated. It ends up being a date of "choices". First choice sky or sea... they choose sky, north or south, they choose north, they end up at a picnic overlooking the Golden Gate bridge. The idea behind the date was cute but my mind ended up racing thinking of all the possibilities of all the other date choices and I got a little distracted. JoJo is very adament about asking every guy about their past relationships and I'm reminded about the past relatinoship she had that ending up sending her roses during last season. Derek gets a kiss after weirdly saying his ex had maybe cheated?

Back at the House

James Taylor is heading up the guys in singing a song about JoJo like they are at sleepaway camp rehearsing for the talent show. It's cute to see all the guys hanging out and getting along though, so I approve. But guess who does NOT approve... The Chadchelorette of course. He wants no part in singing to a girl he barely knows, he also has a very strict "stay away from nice guys" policy, as most villains do. He makes some reference about making a protein shake with the rest of the guys in the house that I'm not sure anyone really understood but I think the real purpose was to make sure everyone knows, Chad likes him some protein shakes. WE GET IT CHAD.  

Group Date

It's time for another group date, this time with a smaller group of six. This leaves three guys this week date-less (spoiler alert... two of those three go home). The guys end up at ESPN where Jordan is quick to namedrop his brother (Aaron Rodgers for those of you who are behind), and I start to feel like this date will have an unfair advantage like the fireman at the firefighter challenge... turns out, nope. This is also where we get a glimpse at just HOW short Alex is. 
Poor guy. Chad proceeds to call JoJo "naggy" while the rest of the guys on the date gasp. He continues to become more cold and distant and JoJo is eating. it. up. What is it about the bad boys? Somehow these sports announcers (No idea who they are because...well... sports) rank the top three contenders as follows: James Taylor, Chad and Alex. In Jordans interview discussing being upset that Chad did so well, all I can think is... I wonder how he gets so much volume in that hair. 

Later at the cocktail portion of the group date James Taylor reads this adorably sweet poem to JoJo that makes her cry and we all know... she definitely won't be picking him, but he gets a kiss none the less. Alex and JoJo have their alone time in a giant chair which makes Alex look even tinier with his legs swinging. Cold ABC, cold. 

Chad comes out guns blazing with the one two punch, puppy AND dead mom in the same breath! Obviously his mom passing away is heartbreaking but the way he almost fished to talk about it by bringing up the puppy he "inherited" was odd. JoJo awards his heartbreak with a kiss. 

James Taylors tear jerking note gets him the group date rose.

Cocktail Party

Chad, like a creep, is waiting out front for JoJo to arrive with a white wine in hand for her. They go for a walk, he snags a kiss and they enter the mansion. Every guy in the house immediately wants to murder Chad. I don't think what he did was really wrong, I mean... he's playing the game! (Don't get me wrong... I still think he's a total tool.) He is immediately confronted and lies while shoveling insane amounts of deli meat in his mouth. I literally wrote in my notes "Chad is taking meathead to a whole new level". Grant proceeded to say the exact same thing. I mean, he is literally chewing during the rose ceremony. Will pulls JoJo aside to toilet paper the front of the mansion... want to guess if he ends up with a rose?

Rose Ceremony

Alex gets the first rose of the night and Chad says JoJo picked him because "she doesn't want America to think she hates short people". Man Chad, leaving no villain stone unturned. JoJo gives roses to some questionable choices and leaves the final rose for The Chadchelorette himself. James S., Brandon and Will all get the axe and I lose my first team member, the Bachelor Superfan. You will be missed James, you will be missed.

Join me next week as I recap the TWO NIGHT EVENT happening week three for no apparent reason. Oh... and if you haven't seen the photos that the Daily Mail dug up of a young JoJo... I suggest you go look... NOW.
*All Bachelorette photos property of ABC*

Friday, May 27, 2016

Drumroll Please...

I'm so excited to officially announce I have joined the team over at Something Turquoise!

Jen has been an absolute dream to work with and I have already learned so much! I will be helping her run her Pinterest as well as assisting with her (very crazy) DIY shoot days. Speaking of her amazing DIY's, go check out her latest one, the DIY Petal Toss Bar. (You might even catch a glimpse of me!)
Photo // Jen Carreiro
I consider myself so lucky to have been given this opportunity and I can't wait to see where it takes me.

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Gimme Dat Rose: The Bachelorette Recap // Season 12, Episode 1

I'm sure it comes as no surprise that I have become a bit of a Bachelor super fan. It all began when my best friend Danica and I lived together after college down in Belmont Shore. We got hooked on a few shows together, The Bachelor/Bachelorette being one of them. We loved picking our favorite contestants, pausing to discuss all the drama and getting really excited when those pauses gave the perfect still shot of someone in the least flattering way.

Eventually our interest in the show lead to what is now in its third season... our fantasy draft. Thanks to Becca and Jorie over at Bach Fantasy it's SUPER easy. It all started with the controversial Britt/Kaitlyn season of the Bachelorette, where the bachelors themselves chose who they wanted as their Bachelorette. That, along with Nick showing up midway through the season, threw some kinks in our points but it was fun nonetheless.

Since then our league has grown and we now even have players in three different states, spreading across three different time zones!

After seasons of Danica and I saying we should do it (AND the fact that Betches didn't have their recap posted), I am going to attempt to do recaps for every episode this season. Now, don't get me wrong, they won't be in depth or insightful... it will be a culmination of my snap judgments and conversations had with my bestie and the rest of the league. Please excuse the length but as you may or may not know, night one is shit show (in the best way possible).

Let's begin, shall we?
We start with the obligatory solo shots of JoJo and her discussing her Ben heartbreak. Jojo is by far the most attractive Bachelorette in AWHILE... possibly EVER and yet they have the makeup caked on pretty thick... once she's in her bikini though, no one is looking at her face anyways and, is it just me or do her boobs look even bigger since last season?
JoJo sits down with past Bachelorettes Kaitlyn, Ali and Desiree, Ali who by the way is no longer with her final pick and is knocked up by none other than the spawn of KIIS FMs Valentine in the morning, but don't worry... he proposed (after they announced her pregnancy). Kaitlyn looks like she hasn't eaten since her season wrapped.
We begin seeing some of the eligible bachelors and while Grant's package shows him as a firefighter... his instagram account says he's a model sooooo...
Jordan is hot and I immediately regret not drafting him on my fantasy team (I had first pick this season after all!).
Alex is cute but too short  to be taken seriously (and I can say that... because I'm short). Is it just me or does his twin brother seem more proportionate?
Then our "Bachelor Super Fan" James, he is on my team and I can't tell if he's kidding or not. If he's kidding, he's hilarious and I love him... if he's not, he may need to seek psychological help. And like... does he have an ACTUAL occupation? The jury is still out on that one...
Evan... quite a career path change... he was a pastor and now he's an erectile dysfunction specialist? And all these weird sexual innuendos... I can't.
Ali I immediately love, he's not even on my team and I'm still rooting for him. He has a white baby grand piano which is my dream. Do I play? Of course not, I just like the way they look. There is something about him that seems so sweet and fun. I'm team Ali.
Christian is on my team and although his racist family history story is heartbreaking... I feel some points coming from this so bring it on!
Luke reminds me of  Matthew Lawrence who I've been in love with since first seeing him in Mrs. Doubtfire so, he's alright in my book. I'm starting to notice a pattern with the military men... does JoJo date exclusively military?

I like how the producers strategically placed all of the non-gimmick contestants in the first few limos so that when the gimmick-ers started rolling in the hate was palpable.

This is when we see the teaser for Jake Pavelka and Bachelor Nation in unison screams "NOOOOOOO" at their TVs.
Chris Harrison pops in to say hello and act shocked when JoJo tells him she's soooooo nervous. Also, Chris, you've been doing this show for what, DECADES?? Don't get your hair cut the day before shooting... give it a few days. Come on. What are you, new?

JoJo of COURSE looks fricken awesome in that flesh colored bodysuit of a dress. It almost makes me want to put down my beer and start doing sit ups... I said ALMOST.
Robby will henceforth be referred to as Stifler because, I mean, look at him.
Daniel has an awkward intro.
Will looks like a mix of Nick Swardson and the big brother from Home Alone... ammiright???

James Taylor is on my team and I'm considering myself lucky. A sweet country boy with a guitar and a southern drawl? Yes please!
Jonathan gets out of the limo in a kilt and I think to myself, "ok.... hear him out". He explains that he's half Chinese and half Scottish. Ok Jonathan... you shall pass. Then he proceeds to note that his bottom half is Scottish and he's not wearing any panties. Get back in the limo Jonathan. The other bachelors find the kilt to be ABSURD like he walked in wearing his flesh inside out. First of all... that's kind of how this show works, are you unfamiliar? One season a bachelorette showed up on night one in a WEDDING DRESS and, if memory serve correctly, she was the RUNNER UP that season. A kilt is not that crazy. Also... you're kind of being culturally insensitive to my Scottish brethren. Chill.
Then comes the Santa suit... ok that's a little more absurd BUT his name IS Nick and he's not the only Nick, kudos to linking your name to your get up Saint Nick.
Then they breeze through some other contestants like Brandon whose occupation is listed as "Hipster" in his bio and he begins to recite the hipster creed "I don't even have a TV so I have no idea who you are". Brandon, you could meet strangers anywhere... why come on a TV show to compete with 25 other guys to do so?
Daniel begins to spiral as at least one contestant always does on night one. It's never good to hear "I'm not really a drinker". Oh so you don't usually drink? And now you're at an awkward cocktail party that lasts until dawn? Greeeeeeeat. Let us also note that his occupation is listed as "Male Model", I think just "Model" would have sufficed Daniel but that's just the Derek Zoolander in you "Oh the files are IN the computer". SMH
Wells is cute and looks like a taller version of Chris Carrabba so I approve. Bringing an acapella group? I'll allow it.
The non gimmick bachelors are quickly forming a gang against the gimmick wielding bachelors and I'm just hoping for an Anchorman fight scene reenactment. "No commercials... NOOOO MERCYYY!!"
How quickly these gimmick haters have forgotten... JoJo came out of the limo in a unicorn mask, thus, a lover of gimmicks she must be.

Did douchey Chad just have the best Freudian slip ever televised "Her breast... dress was amazing".

Derek is on my team and his self proclaimed dorkiness is not doing me any favors.
Jordan pulls WAY ahead and I feel like I'm back watching Britt cast her spell on Chris all over again.

It soon becomes unclear whether its James Taylor or Will with the fortune teller. It is also unclear if he's about to do something cute or creepy. Oh, demanding a kiss? Creepy. Great. Glad we cleared that up. Oh... and JoJo calls him Will... both quandaries have been cleared up.

Jordan just couldn't live with himself if he didn't get that kiss so he goes back for seconds, gets his kiss and America collectively "awwwww"s. Damn, why didn't I draft you Jordan?!

Daniel starts poking belly buttons and his downward spiral continues.

The first impression rose enters and all bachelor buttholes pucker. In the talks of the first impression rose and it's importance someone says "Olivia got the first impression rose... and she got left on an island". Touche.

Daniel has now stripped down to his VERY small underwear and has dove into the pool. He has officially gone full Canadian.

Fast forward to rose ceremony and just when you had forgotten, Jake Pavelka exits the limo. I am literally holding my breath. Jake does not deserve this goddess of a Bachelorette, there must be some sort of mis-understand. And as I'm yelling at JoJo to stop talking to him I realize ABC has pulled a fast one on me, Jake is a "close family friend"? And he's just there to tell her he hopes she finds love? WHAT kind of HORSESHIT is this?! Not cool ABC... NOT COOL.

Rose ceremony commences some of the obvious choices stay, some of the obvious choices go (except Daniel, wtf, he was drunk and essentially naked, but then again, in Bachelor Nation that's like immunity).

Somehow ALL FIVE of my draft picks are still intact. I know that won't last long so I'm enjoying it while it lasts.

The preview for the rest of the season looks awesome as always. You better not be tricking us ABC... this better ACTUALLY be the MOST DRAMATIC SEASON EVER!!!
*All Bachelorette photos property of ABC*

Thursday, May 12, 2016

Shea's Palm Springs Fling: The Tote Bag

Several months ago now, my girlfriends and I headed out to sunny Palm Springs for my 30th birthday. We had a blast and, although we were there for my birthday, I wanted it to be about my friends too! That is why I curated the perfect collection of goodies for my girls, and put them in an adorable tote bag (designed by me and printed by my good friend Frankie with Go 2 Print Ink). Because you can never have enough tote bags am I right? Plus, it makes boring things like grocery shopping a little more fun when you have an adorable tote to carry your groceries.

Lets get into it, shall we...
1. Pink Flamingo drink float- These are a Palm Springs MUST. They keep your drink afloat while looking oh so adorable.
2. Custom Name Straws- With names like Shea, Danica, Stefana, and Kimiyo, to name a few, it's safe to say most of my friends never find their names on a keychain. So I thought it would be cool to get some custom name straws made (in pink of course). These straws were extremely reasonably priced (especially considering they were totally custom and made to order) AND they arrived SO quick. I will definitely be buying from them again.
3. Mini Perrier Can- I knew that some drinking would be happening and I wanted to give everyone a nice refreshing drink as an option as well. These cans were too cute to pass up and, add a cute paper straw with some bakers twine... perfection.
4. Mini Sofia Champagne Can- A PINK can of champagne?? It as a no-brainer.
5. Gold Flamingo Bottle Opener- You had me at gold flamingo... but then add in that its a functioning bottle opener and I knew I had to buy them.
6. Flamingo Towel (similar)- This wasn't something I had planned on buying (because towels aren't cheap). But Forever21 had them on clearance and they were too good to pass up.
7. Pink Heart Shaped Sunglasses- These little guys gave me a scare. These were the only MUST HAVE item in the bag. The pink heart shaped glasses were kind of the theme of the whole weekend. They were on the invite, they were on the tote, they were on the cake, they were everywhere. BUT... since they were coming from Hong Kong, they almost didn't make it in time! I think they ended up arriving a day or two before we left... THANKFULLY.
8. Custom Name Tags- These were something I whipped up on my Cricut Explore Air. I wanted everyone to know which tote bag was theirs without having to go through each one. Each bag was essentially the same, but with the custom name straws and tumblers it was nice to know whose was whose.
9. Flower Crown Headband (similar)- I'm a big proponent of all things flower crown. I wore one for my bridal shower. I wore one for my wedding. I even had a flower crown making station at my best friends baby shower! So these were obviously a must.
10. Custom Palm Springs Tote- I needed something to put everyone's goodies in! So a tote bag was an easy decision. A less easy decision was, what they were going to look like. After some tweaks and changes, I landed on this design. I sent it over to my friend Frankie at Go 2 Print Ink and he created something that was my EXACT vision. He even surprised me by making the inside of the sunglasses a black glitter. So perfect.
When I originally wrote this post, I TOTALLY forgot one of the best things included in the tote! The custom tumblers! The tumblers themselves were a Target dollar spot find (Thank you Bryanna for searching several stores until we had enough). Then, using my Cricut Explore Air I added everyone's names in hot pink (AND in the same font as the invites and totes of course). These were a hit and the reason I forgot to include it originally is because I've been using it ever since!

And that's it! Everything that was in my "Shea's Palm Springs Fling" tote bags! I still love everything that was in them and hope all my girls did too. Now... the question is... what is my next party going to be??

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