Wednesday, July 6, 2016

Something Turquoise Feature!!

I couldn't be more excited to share with you all that today our Palm Springs wedding was featured on Something Turquoise! It was so much fun reliving our special day through the post! Pop on over to see for yourself!



Thursday, June 30, 2016

#MrAndMrsFoxInSocks // The Prep

This past weekend I helped throw a bridal shower for my good friend Stefana. She is a quirky Dr.Seuss loving free spirit. When I saw this The Lorax garden themed wedding inspiration I knew it had to be the inspiration for her shower.

I wanted to share a little behind the scenes of what went into the prep and planning before sharing photos of the final product. All of these photos were taken with my iphone so, sorry about the quality.

As I do when planning any party, I started with a color scheme...
From there, I created an invitation (and, as always, used Cards & Pockets for printing). 
(Sensitive information has been omitted)
Obviously, the craft cave was already full of things I could use, like this paper that matched perfectly. 
So I started by making a custom banner (with my Cricut) using their wedding hashtag (and the "Doctor Soos" font from dafont.com of course). 
I didn't know what I was going to do with them at the time but I also made some cute diamonds.
  I even already had straws that perfectly matched!
Using my Cricut I made a couple of signs. This mirror one I decided to put back in the plastic when I was done because I kept getting fingerprints all over it. It was also super hard to take a picture of.
 I love the way this chalkboard sign turned out. I actually took off the teal part and used a chalk marker for the days countdown. 
 I bought and spray paint in the prefect colors some Ikea frames  and vases for some fun decor.

 If you've never been to Fabric Barn & House of Crafts on Anaheim and Obispo in Long Beach you MUST go. It's where I always go to buy all the ribbon for all of my ribbon backdrops. The prices are insane and the amount you get on each roll is SO generous.
On my way to my little crafting hidden gem I drove past another one of my favorite hidden treasures, Warehouse 1333 where I spotted these awesome chairs! As I often do when I fall in love with things at first glace, I gave myself a price that I wouldn't go over to get them. On my way back I stopped by and they were $25 a piece! What a steal! So I grabbed all 4 and ended up using one as a "throne" of sorts for the bride to be at the shower!
It turned out cute, right?

I also made a little custom pillow to sit on the chair that the bride loved!

The ribbon after it was all cut for the photo backdrop. I use a rolling garment rack to store and prep all of my banners and backdrops
Again, using my Cricut, I made a custom cake topper, "Mutual Weirdness Forever". 
We didn't end up using these but I wanted to share. I attempted to make a little "truffula tree" and it turned out pretty cute!
Stay tuned for photos from the shower itself, coming soon!

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Gimme Dat Rose: The Bachelorette Recap // Season 12, Episode 6

We begin the episode in Buenos Aires at the Plaza Hotel and all I can think about is Home Alone 2. JoJo is on some random park bench and Chris Harrison shows up for a heart to heart. She uses his name so many times it starts making me uncomfortable. We find out that this week will be a group date, a one on one date and for the first time in Bachelorette HISTORY, a second two on one date! I've gotta say, I'm a bit bummed we don't get the old Bachelor nation adage "Two guys, one rose, one stays one goes". I live for that stuff ABC!

One on One

Wells gets this weeks one on one and the card essentially has some sixpence none the richer lyrics on it and says "kiss me". He admits he's the only guy there that hasn't kissed her to the guys and it gets super awkward. And then they go on their date and it gets even more awkward. Then they go to this performance art place and it proceeds to get, you guessed it, even more awkward. They finally end up kissing in this pool of sorts that seems more like a womb than anything. As always, JoJo brings up past relationships at dinner. The two clearly aren't clicking and JoJo doesn't give him a rose. 

Group Date

Luke, Robby, Jordan, James (we don't have to call him James Taylor anymore! There is only one left!) and Alex are all chosen for the group date which means Derek and Chase will have the fateful two on one date. On the group date they kind of do touristy stuff around the city and then play a game of soccer with some locals. Poor James is spending the whole day being so down on himself the whole day saying how all the other guys are better looking than him, more athletic than him and I mean, it's all true, but it's sad to hear him admit it. They decide to play a game of whoever can score a goal gets to kiss JoJo and James of all people wins! I cheered a little, not gunna lie. What is it about rooting for the underdog, oh, and he's on my fantasy team so that probably doesn't hurt. 

At the cocktail hour after the date James totally calls out Jordan over what seems to be a disagreement on the rules of poker? Seems a bit unnecessary James...
It was at the cocktail hour that I realized Luke says "like" a LOT. Watch for it, and you will forever hate that I pointed it out. JoJo of course goes right to Jordan to confront him about what James said about him and he defends himself, big surprise. There is clearly tension between the two now. Luke ends up with the group date rose. 

One on One

The two on one date is an awkward two on one tango that perfectly depicts exactly what is happening on the date. Derek is crazy confident while their dancing despite his lake of skill. Because I know how the show works, Derek being confident is foreshadowing his impending doom. The awkward dance leads to an awkward dinner, and lets cut to the chase, Derek gets sent home. Even though yes I was made to think he would be, Chase was a mega dud too, she coulda just sent them both him in my opinion. BYE. (Derek was on my fantasy team tho, sad face). Derek is in the car doing his exit interview crying while JoJo and Chase are literally watching a performance of Don't Cry for me Argentina or some shit and I'm dying laughing. 

Rose Ceremony

The numbers are dwindling rapidly at this point, I feel like hometowns are just around the corner. As always, one of the guys says that "the hay is in the barn" and I don't know how many more times I can hear one of them say that. During the rose ceremony JoJo steps away and tells Chris Harrison she can't hand out the final rose and just when you think she is sending both Alex and James home, Chris comes back with a tray with two roses on it. OH SHIT! NO ONE IS GOING HOME! Stop trying to trick me ABC. James's smile after that rose ceremony though was pretty cute. 


Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Gimme Dat Rose: The Bachelorette Recap // Season 12, Episode 5

We start the episode to all of the guys cheers-ing to the fact that Chad is gone and all of a sudden I'm having Wizard of Oz flashbacks "ding dong, the witch is dead...". We are almost there because apparently James Taylor even wrote a song about it. Wells starts to speak and I joke that it's like they are having a funeral for Chad and then... oh... wait... this is a funeral for Chad using his protein "ashes". I'd like to give a slow clap to whoever came up with that.

But what's that... a knock at the door? Oh, it's Chad, no one saw that coming. Of course his boyfriend Daniel answers and starts chatting to him (while eating a bowl of cereal I'm pretty sure) like NOTHING HAPPENED. I'm not sure if Daniel is trying to play it cool or if he is just that dumb and really has no idea what happened or what a two-on-one date is because... you know... math. Jordan decides to be the bigger man and apologize if there had been any unnecessary beef between them and gave Chad the perfect opportunity to just make amends and leave things on a better note. Does it take the opportunity? Of course not. Evan... relax about the fricken shirt dude. If you are that hard up for a t-shirt maybe you should be back at your penis job instead of on some reality show. (Also, if you haven't seen this Go Fund Me page for Evans shirt, it's hilarious.)

Alex gets the warmest welcome I have ever seen after a two-on-one date. The other guys start chanting "Dragon Slayer". They even got a cake and sparklers!? But like... what if it was Chad that came back?

Cocktail Party

JoJo's cocktail party attire... YAS QUEEN. Chase finally shows a little personality when he has JoJo get into these inflatable balls and, I don't know, compete? She hits him and he falls to the ground and I laughed and rewound and watched again. 

Stiffler (Robby) gets his wishing well wish and snags a kiss. James F reads JoJo a poem and I can tell in that moment that his fate has been sealed. Sayonara James. 

Now that Chad is gone we are starting to see that without a common enemy, a lot of the guys are dicks. Alex (who already had a rose) stole JoJo from James. Luke (who already had a rose) stole JoJo from Daniel. The claws are coming out. Luke jumps the gun a bit by telling JoJo he is falling for her. Pump the breaks bro. Jordan and JoJo have their standard make out sesh. 

Rose Ceremony

We hear our first "chopping block" this rose ceremony and I squeal with delight. Hell freezes over and Evan of all people gets the final rose. EVAN you guys. EVAN! JoJo sends Daniel and poet James F. home. Daniel says "well she must be looking for personality because my personality is shit". Spoken like a true male model. 

JoJo tells the guys they are headed somewhere exotic and romantic... Punta Del Este, Uruguay. 

One on One

The first date card arrives and it's for Jordan and everyone. is. pissed. Now without Chad to hate, it's pretty obvious to start hating the guy that could actually win this whole thing. Wells makes an interested comment in his interview saying that Jordan is "just playing the game to get another stamp in his passport" which, truth be told, isn't the worst way to travel. I stayed in a hostel once. I'd rather travel the Bachelor way. The guys mention that the reason Jordan is doing so well is that his first two dates were football dates which, I don't know how, I hadn't really thought about. 

Back at the hotel Vinny has opened up his own barbershop, gossip magazines and all. The guys start to read some article written about JoJo and for whatever reason they all seem to take it as cold hard facts and I am baffled. Do they not know how gossip magazines work?

Jordan tells JoJo that he's falling in love with her and JoJo pulls an ace out of her sleeve and lets him know she met a girl that used to date him and calls him out. When asked "was their cheating" Jordan quickly responds "no". Ehhh... I'm not buying it. Jordan of course snags a rose. As the producers are having JoJo gush about her date and say "I am so happy, I don't think anything could take away this feeling" and then they immediately hand her the gossip magazine where her ex boyfriend (who we all remember from last season, he sent her flowers before her hometown date with Ben... also named Chad of course) slams her to the media. She of course starts crying and I don't know if its because the emotions aren't real or the filler/botox isn't allowing her to cry properly but I'm not really buying it. She decides to address the guys about it and even though they were all SO concerned initially, they are all 100% fine now because, well JoJo cried about it. 

Group Date

So, I don't know if it was supposed to be as funny as I found it to be but, when it showed Jordan and Robby having a spa day while the rest of the guys were on the group date, I couldn't breathe I was laughing so hard. 

We see JoJo at the sand dunes looking like tomb raider. Apparently the date is sand dune surfing, sounds... miserable. Evan has his first funny moment yet saying how when he saw what they'd be doing he thought "I'm getting another bloody nose today". Derek starts to feel insecure and it also becomes apparent that Alex hates Derek. Derek's insecurities snag him the group date rose. 

One on One

Robby gets a one on one and when the date card arrives he does his ever popular McConaughey "alright alright alright". Their date gets them into bathing suits and they both are just too perfect for words. They jump off some random cliff that, quite honestly, doesn't look like its meant for jumping off of. Once at the bottom I SWEAR i saw blood all over the rocks at the bottom. I'm telling you this is some sort of like suicide point. Robby has a male model moment and tells JoJo "I'm here for one reason, to find love, and for you". Thats two reasons Robby. One. Two. That's how that works. We find out he had a friend who was going to propose to his girlfriend die in a tragic texting and driving accident and for that reason he lives in the moment and tells JoJo he's falling in love with her. That story is enough to get himself a rose. 

Cocktail Party



Derek starts the night off by pulling Robby, Chase, Alex and Jordan aside to tell them they are like a high school clique which they, of course, do not take well. It is then that we find out there will be no cocktail party, only a rose ceremony and that three guys will be going home. Wells ends up getting the final rose and we see Evan (finally), Grant and Vinny all go home. 



Wednesday, June 8, 2016

Gimme Dat Rose: The Bachelorette Recap // Season 12, Episode 4

We start the episode and the Chad saga continues... We again see Chris Harrison drawing the line when it comes to violence in the house and we are left to wait and see what Chad's next move will be. He enters the house and like a kid who was told to apologize, he explains what Chris "wants him to say". He actually remains really calm. Like a little whiny baby Evan interjects "Chad, you owe me a new shirt and an apology". Chad offers to give him $20 which, tbh I think is a stretch for that Mossimo v-neck.

Pool (Cocktail) Party 

Somehow Chad manages to be the one to greet JoJo at the door which I assumed would cause a major stir but somehow it didn't. There are mic necklaces EVERYWHERE and I'm LOVING it. James F., in an attempt to be funny comes out in a suit and cannonballs into the pool. Is it actually funny? That's debatable. The guys do an adorable synchronized swimming dive wave and in true Evan fashion, he ends up with a nosebleed. ABC of course made it look, in the previews like the nosebleed was from a Chad altercation but no. Synchronized swimming. Jordan and JoJo have some alone time and the two of them seem like they are already a real couple, constantly caressing and JoJo always finds a way to like intertwine herself with him. During Chad's one on one time Evan walks over to steal JoJo away, this kid really is clueless. Chad confronts Derek about their beef. Apparently Derek doesn't feel safe around Chad but when you look at them side by side, they are basically the same size. I'm confused. Chad disses on Derek for watching the Bachelor and somehow they seem to somewhat resolve their issues.

Rose Ceremony

JoJo shows up in a midriff showing gown and I'm not even mad about it. WHY IS SHE SO PERFECT?! Every guy in their side interview are, of course, saying that Chad better not get a rose. He of course gets the final rose and in that moment Alex makes it his mission to not see Chad get another. Sadly Christian, Nick and the beloved Ali are sent home. JoJo excitedly tells the guys to pack their bags because they are leaving the mansion for good but she keeps the location a secret. Where can it be? Europe? The British Virgin Islands?

Namacolin, Pennsylvania 

I'm sorry... WHAT?! The destination is PENNSYLVANIA?! No... just... no. The guys are staying at the Namacolin Woodland Resort. Wanna know how I know? Because they spent a good five minutes of the show like a commercial for the damn place. 

One on One

Luke snags the one on one this week. Their date starts with them mushing through what appears to be a city party. Is that normal? I also notice that it appears JoJo got some leather jackets in her welcome bag as well, she wears two different ones on this date alone. In true Bachelor fashion, there is a hot tub in the middle of nowhere for our couple to disrobe and get into. JoJo was cute as ever when she went to get in and the hot tub was way too hot. Like any lady would, she said "Oh fu*k that's hot! That's SO hot!" and I just love her more. The more I look at Luke, the more he kind of looks like a villain, but the more he talks, the more he seems like a total softy. I can't help but notice though, is it me or do his top teeth seem fake? I dunno... Luke tells JoJo about his football career at Westpoint, his tour in Afghanistan and his friend who was like a "brother to him" being killed in action. He is pulling out all the stops. He of course is awarded with a rose and a private Dan and Shay concert where they awkwardly dance on the stage while a room full of Bachelor fans loose their minds. 

Group Date 

It is made clear there will be a two-on-one date this week which is always a crowd pleaser. Alex says in an interview "I don't want to be on the two on one. The only thing that would make a two on one worse would be a two on one with Chad." So, it's obvious that is what will happen. When the group date card arrives, of course Alex and Chad's names aren't on it. The group date guys are welcomed by Ben Roethlisberger, Brett Keisel and Hines Ward. I'll be honest, I have no idea who these guys are because... football. It's adorable that they all say their wives are fans of the show. JoJo excitedly says "It's not every day my guys get to hang out with pro football legends". Well, Jordan actually might. The date ends up being a football game in which the winning team gets estra time with JoJo. Evan of course struggles during this date because... football. He tries to play off the fact that he gets yet ANOTHER bloody nose on the date. Every time it shows up I just can't help but think he looks like a high school girl wearing her football boyfriends uniform for homecoming. In another trick by ABC, we see James Taylor get elbowed in the face by James S. and there is blood everywhere. The previews of course made it look like there had been a fight. No. Just elbow, face interaction. Every time it shows Evan. The blue team wins the white team heads back to the Nemacolin Woodland Resort. Robby/Stiffler gets the most amount of screen time we have seen yet which includes JoJo essentially promising him a one-on-one date and a pool table makeout sesh. Teachers pet Jordan gets the group date rose. 

Two on One

"Two guys, one rose. One stays. One goes". A rhyme I will likely tell my future children one day. ABC mixed it up this time though with a new little riddle for us. Before the date the tension is palpable between Alex (and basically all the guys in the house actually) and Chad. Chad makes a BOLD move and calls out Jordan "This ends. And when this ends, you think I can't find you? You think I won't go out of my way to go to your house?" Whoa bro... whoa. As Alex is getting ready he literally is dressing like he's going to war with cargo pants, some patriotic socks and literally milliatry boots. I just want to start chanting "U-S-A! U-S-A!". On the date Alex of course spends his one on one time talking about Chad and JoJo of course immediately brings it up to Chad. He is pretty honest and doesn't deny the things Alex told her. Chad sneaks a threat in to Alex when he returns and JoJo finally decides enough is enough and sends Chad home. Similar to me at my engagement Chad says "Am I getting pranked right now?". Back at the house, his luggage is taken and the guys proceed to party like its 1999. For real though, where did they even get those party poppers? The best Chad line of all was him saying to the camera "Alex lied, he told her that I threaten people. Now I gotta go find Alex". Literally in the same breath as saying he doesn't threaten people... he THREATENS people. Oh Chad. He then starts to wonder through the dark forest whistling like some creepy campfire ghost story and he shows up back at the Nemacolin Woodland Resort. The guys all loose their shit of course and the "to be continued..." appears and we all loose our shit. To add insult to injury... the next episode isn't for TWO WEEKS.... WHAT?! And if that's not bad enough... I had just made some Bachelorette stickers for my planner and had already put on on next Monday! #whitegirlproblems

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Gimme Dat Rose: The Bachelorette Recap // Season 12, Episode 3

The time has come for another installment of: Gimme Dat Rose: The Bachelorette Recap
We start episode 3 similarly to the scene in "The Hangover" where they all wake up and have no idea what happened.
We see toilet paper hanging from the trees out front of Bachelor Mansion. Empty glasses everywhere. Everyone looking beat down. What exactly happened at that last rose ceremony? I'm  half expecting Tyson to show up and sing "In the Air Tonight". 
Chad and Daniel are bro-ing out per usual. But wait, what is this... Chris Harrison? What are you doing at the mansion during normal business hours? Oh, to hand deliver a date card of course. I can't tell if CH has lost weight or if I'm just so used to seeing him in a suit that he looks smaller in regular clothes. Chase receives the date card. Meanwhile Derek is wearing his umteenth baseball tee of the season and Chad is of course losing it that the date card wasn't for him.

One on One Date

Chase and JoJo head to a yoga studio because nothing says romantic first date like workout clothes and sweat. As the instructor is explaining what they will be doing the camera shots of her nether region are maybe the most awkward thing I've ever seen on this show, and that's saying a LOT. The more the instructor talks the more I realize she is just Miss Lippy from "Billy Madison". 

Back at the house is yet another Chad workout montage. I'm pretty sure they could cut all the scenes together and have enough footage for a full on work out video. 

Chase and Jojo's date gets even more awkward when she is told to mount him. JoJo lies through her teeth and says "I can honestly say this is the first time I've mounted a guy on a first date". Please JoJo, please. Chase gets a kiss and explains how he and JoJo now have a "solid foundation to grow on" and I'm not sure if he's talking about the date or HIS nether region. 

Group Date

The group date card comes and this group date is even bigger than last weeks, with a whopping twelve guys its more of a field trip than a date. Chad wants to opt out because, well, he doesn't want to be on a date with that many other dudes and while we see where he's coming from, he has already been labeled the villain soooooo... 

The field trip goes to a small community theater of some sort where a woman takes the stage and proceeds to have an orgasm? What is happening? My parents would NOT have signed the permission slip for this field trip. Apparently it's a show about "Sex Talks" where people share their real life experiences. Because nothing says "date" like discussing your sexual history ammiright??? The guys tell their tales and most of them were better/funnier/more entertaining than I'd expected. Evan decides to lead the crusade against the almighty Chad because he's had enough. 
He does so by telling a "cautionary tale" about steroids in which he essentially tells the group that Chad is on them and let me tell ya... Chad no likey. They cross paths after and Chad grabs Evan by the shirt and it rips. It has begun. For his performance, Chad requests a volunteer from the audience and tells JoJo to come down (not exactly how a volunteer works Chad but... whatevs). He decided to show not tell and tries to steal a kiss from Jojo on stage. She of course gives him the cheek because her dozen other boyfriends are watching the whole thing. 

Chad is seeing red and is on a warpath towards Evan. What did Evan expect? You call out the biggest most alpha male guy in the house and expect him not to want to make it his life's mission to terrorize you? Come on Ev. All the hostility has made Daniel turn on Chad... WHO WILL HE WORK OUT WITH NOW?? After punching a door Chad is bleeding and says if he cant lift now he's going to kill someone. Shocking. 

Group Date Cocktail Party

Jordan discusses his previous relationship and JoJo is eating. it. up. Girl is in luuuuuuurve. Evan decides to add insult to injury and boldly asks Chad "Why are you here?". To which every other guy (and me at home) holds their breath and waits to see what happens. Chad stays surprisingly composed and is like...
(Also... side note...I'm convinced that in their Bachelor Mansion "welcome bag" all the guys got the same leather jacket.) Chad refers to the rest of the guys as a "parade of losers" as he's lurking around every corner watching JoJo's one on one time with everyone. Chad finally gets his turn with JoJo while he thinks "You're welcome... here I am". In yet ANOTHER ballsy move by Even, he decided to steal JoJo away form Chad. He proceeds to tattle on Chad to JoJo and gives her the old "him or me" ultimatum. JoJo gives Evan the group date rose after no doubt the producers tell her "lets just see how this plays out". Evan also gets one of the most awkward kisses in Bachelor history. It looked like a brother and sister and I literally cringed. Like the rest of us, Chad is shocked that Evan got the rose, and in the words of Eminem "The only difference is I got the balls to say it in front of ya'll and I don't gotta be false or sugarcoated at all ". He of course speaks up about it and again the rest of the group holds their breath to watch how it plays out. JoJo doesn't like how honest, err, disrespectful Chad is being and the date ends. Alex explains that Chad "wrote a beautiful disaster story" that he is going to DVR and watch over and over again. Chad tells the camera that "No girl on the planet ever choses Evan, for ANYTHING". And while, he does have a point, he's not helping his case. 

I couldn't help but notice the commercial placement while watching. At the end of every commercial break is this new Subway super meaty sub which of course makes us all think about Chad and his deli meat shoveling. 

Things at the house have taken a turn and apparently Derek "doesn't feel safe sleeping in Chad's room" so there is an actual security guard standing guard over a sleeping Chad. WHAT?? 

One on One Date

James Taylor gets the second one on one date of the episode and he's just as cute as he can be. They end up learning to swing dance and are dressed for the occasion. Their instructor must be pushing 100 and I don't know who is sweeter her or James Taylor, I just hope I look like her when I'm her age. As I'm watching I realize James Taylor is the kind of guy you should marry, but you never even go on a second date with. Sad but true. 

Back at the house Daniel and Chad are having a heart to heart while Chad is, no joke, eating a RAW YAM. Daniel is explaining to Chad how bad he looks to everyone else and explains "pretend you're Hitler" to which Chad responds "No. Let's not pretend I'm Hitler". "Ok let's pretend you're Trump... just take it down a notch to like to Mussolini or Bush". 

On their date, James Taylor explains to JoJo how he was teased growing up which scores him a rose and a kiss. 

The Next Day

It becomes clear by the time left in the episode that we won't be getting a rose ceremony in this episode. Chris Harrison shows up to tell the guys that after talking with JoJo there won't be a cocktail party, only a rose ceremony. Of course the guys that didn't get dates this week are freaking out. Then Chris goes on to say "but she wants to spend the day with you so instead of a cocktail party, we are having a pool party". Oh CH....You little trickster you. As soon as I hear the words "pool party" I get excited because I know that means the return of my favorite thing... the mic necklace!
Chris Harrison tries to sneak out because, quite frankly, you know he' thinking...
But, he get's stopped by Evan who proceeds to tattle on Chad. "Excuse me mister... Chad ripped my shirt". I'm embarrassed for Evan and to be honest, anyone who knows him. CH goes to get Chads side of the story which of course is totally different. Chris Harrison tells Chad the best thing to do is "go settle it". To the average person that means go in and squash the beef. To the Chadchelorette, however... THIS. MEANS. WAR. He storms into the house after saying "I'm going to cut everyones legs off, and their arms. Then there will be torsos everywhere that I will throw into the pool". 
We of course are left there with a to be continued, asking ourselves, is the pool party still on? Will torsos be thrown? Will Chad eat deli meat in the pool? Do people actually eat yams raw? Luckily we don't have to wait a week to find out. It should all come to a head tonight in part two of the Chadchelorette two-night-event!

Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Gimme Dat Rose: The Bachelorette Recap // Season 12, Episode 2

Well, from the looks of things... from here on out we should probably just refer to the show as "The Chadchelorette". It took all of one episode to take a hard right onto the exit to Chad Town. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. Meat shoveling and phrases like "I always say stay away from nice guys" are the whole reason I watch the show.

Let's begin...
We start yet again with JoJo discussing her Ben heartbreak and calling this experience of becoming the Bachelorette a "dream come true". Call me crazy but my dream doesn't involve being dumped on national television but... to each their own.

Then we head back to the Bachelor mansion where they guys are huddled for a toast with their morning mimosas #brunchsohard. It quickly takes a turn when Chad so eloquently toasts "Beautiful girl, beautiful life, Fu*k you guys, Imma make her my wife".

Group Date

The date card arrives and I lose count of how many guys are on it. It ended up being a nice intimate group of ten. Immediately after receiving the date card it's like bombs over Baghdad and we start hearing explosions, the guys run out front to see a limo on fire. Gee ABC... that's where we're at? Really? Burning Limos? Of course JoJo rolls up in a firetruck to put it out (in slow motion no less) and all I can think is... aren't we still in a drought in California? WAY too many guys use obvious lines including "hot" and "on fire" and the fire date continues...
Meanwhile back at the house we see Chad organizing his suitcase of protein powder. Yes, an ENTIRE SUITCASE of protein powder. Just when you catch your breath from laughing about how meathead-y that is... he CHAINS the suitcase to his waist and starts doing PULL UPS with it dangling between his legs. You can't make this shit up. 

Back to the Group Date

All the group date guys are now at Rio Hondo Fire Academy with JoJo to compete for her, I mean find "true love". Of the ten guys, one of them (Grant) is an ACTUAL firefighter sooooo, he's gunna win this right? Long story short, he does, snags a kiss, Wells almost dies because he obviously doesn't fight fires in his down time and somewhere in there Daniel says "The last time I pulled a hose like this was back home, at my apartment." No Daniel, just... no. Luke was the runner up in the "save the fair maiden from the burning building" exercise and his "smoldering" look turns to borderline murder-y but... then he gets a kiss and it's all good. Wells gets the group date rose because... well, pity  (and that's when I realize he looks exactly like the kid from "Fear the Walking Dead" (with a haircut).

One on One

Date card arrives for the one on one date and it's for Derek! He's on my team so I'm obviously elated. It ends up being a date of "choices". First choice sky or sea... they choose sky, north or south, they choose north, they end up at a picnic overlooking the Golden Gate bridge. The idea behind the date was cute but my mind ended up racing thinking of all the possibilities of all the other date choices and I got a little distracted. JoJo is very adament about asking every guy about their past relationships and I'm reminded about the past relatinoship she had that ending up sending her roses during last season. Derek gets a kiss after weirdly saying his ex had maybe cheated?

Back at the House

James Taylor is heading up the guys in singing a song about JoJo like they are at sleepaway camp rehearsing for the talent show. It's cute to see all the guys hanging out and getting along though, so I approve. But guess who does NOT approve... The Chadchelorette of course. He wants no part in singing to a girl he barely knows, he also has a very strict "stay away from nice guys" policy, as most villains do. He makes some reference about making a protein shake with the rest of the guys in the house that I'm not sure anyone really understood but I think the real purpose was to make sure everyone knows, Chad likes him some protein shakes. WE GET IT CHAD.  

Group Date

It's time for another group date, this time with a smaller group of six. This leaves three guys this week date-less (spoiler alert... two of those three go home). The guys end up at ESPN where Jordan is quick to namedrop his brother (Aaron Rodgers for those of you who are behind), and I start to feel like this date will have an unfair advantage like the fireman at the firefighter challenge... turns out, nope. This is also where we get a glimpse at just HOW short Alex is. 
Poor guy. Chad proceeds to call JoJo "naggy" while the rest of the guys on the date gasp. He continues to become more cold and distant and JoJo is eating. it. up. What is it about the bad boys? Somehow these sports announcers (No idea who they are because...well... sports) rank the top three contenders as follows: James Taylor, Chad and Alex. In Jordans interview discussing being upset that Chad did so well, all I can think is... I wonder how he gets so much volume in that hair. 

Later at the cocktail portion of the group date James Taylor reads this adorably sweet poem to JoJo that makes her cry and we all know... she definitely won't be picking him, but he gets a kiss none the less. Alex and JoJo have their alone time in a giant chair which makes Alex look even tinier with his legs swinging. Cold ABC, cold. 

Chad comes out guns blazing with the one two punch, puppy AND dead mom in the same breath! Obviously his mom passing away is heartbreaking but the way he almost fished to talk about it by bringing up the puppy he "inherited" was odd. JoJo awards his heartbreak with a kiss. 

James Taylors tear jerking note gets him the group date rose.

Cocktail Party

Chad, like a creep, is waiting out front for JoJo to arrive with a white wine in hand for her. They go for a walk, he snags a kiss and they enter the mansion. Every guy in the house immediately wants to murder Chad. I don't think what he did was really wrong, I mean... he's playing the game! (Don't get me wrong... I still think he's a total tool.) He is immediately confronted and lies while shoveling insane amounts of deli meat in his mouth. I literally wrote in my notes "Chad is taking meathead to a whole new level". Grant proceeded to say the exact same thing. I mean, he is literally chewing during the rose ceremony. Will pulls JoJo aside to toilet paper the front of the mansion... want to guess if he ends up with a rose?

Rose Ceremony

Alex gets the first rose of the night and Chad says JoJo picked him because "she doesn't want America to think she hates short people". Man Chad, leaving no villain stone unturned. JoJo gives roses to some questionable choices and leaves the final rose for The Chadchelorette himself. James S., Brandon and Will all get the axe and I lose my first team member, the Bachelor Superfan. You will be missed James, you will be missed.

Join me next week as I recap the TWO NIGHT EVENT happening week three for no apparent reason. Oh... and if you haven't seen the photos that the Daily Mail dug up of a young JoJo... I suggest you go look... NOW.
*All Bachelorette photos property of ABC*